What to Do When You Dont Know What to Do?
"He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg." ~Chinese Proverb
Here'southward the affair: I don't know what to do.
About this matter, near that thing. About big things and small things.
About anything.
Actually, to be honest, even the smallest thing seems big when I don't know what to do about it. The state of "not knowing what to do" is like some kind of Miracle Grow for pocket-size things in my mind.
This is not a new thing. Non knowing what to do is a detail and well-honed talent of mine. I tin fifty-fifty juggle several not knowing what-to-dos at once.
For example, at the moment I don't know whether to go away with my friends this weekend or not. And if I practise will I have the train? Or become a lift?
I don't know whether to take that new task. And if I practice, when should I start it? What about all those other task offers that will flood through the door the infinitesimal I say yes to this one?
I don't know whether to start the diet tomorrow. Or today. Or next week. Or non at all. I don't know whether to telephone call my counselor or ride this one out alone.
I don't know what is best, what is right. I don't know what I want to do.
Exercise you lot know what else I don't know? I don't know what to do virtually non knowing what to exercise.
And whenever I feel like this (which is non ever, but often), I first not knowing what to do almost things I did know what to do almost earlier. Things I had already made decisions on, things I felt excited and sure near before, at present feel wobbly and incorrect. Even though I know the decisions felt correct when I made them.
My encephalon starts questioning information technology all: What if I didn't really know what to practice then either, and just decided on something that wasn't really the right matter to do after all? What if information technology turns out to be "incorrect"? What if I acted on impulse and didn't think information technology all through properly?
It's similar I'm mourning all the other possible options that volition never, ever happen now because I didn't cull them.
The little voice in my caput chides me: If you choose option a, then such and such might happen, which could atomic number 82 to x and then that may mean y. Had I known in the beginning about y, perchance I wouldn't accept chosen that original thing. Or would I? How exercise I know?
And this uncertainty, the worry, the anxiety, the not knowing, it isn't picky. It doesn't just stick to the thing I'm not sure most. It leaks. It seeps into everything else, so instead of feeling uncertain or anxious nigh ane thing in detail, about 1 decision specifically, I feel anxious, uncertain, and worried full stop. I forget what started it. I just experience it.
I feel it in my chest, near my heart. In my throat. It feels like guilt, muddled with regret, with overtones of panic and an undercurrent of fear. It feels hard and cold, similar a vice-like grip.
And I don't like it. Just I merely don't know what to practice nearly it. And so I do nothing. Except worry and be anxious that doing nothing is non the right matter to do. Information technology's exhausting, it'due south frustrating, and it's totally and utterly unproductive.
And the only thing that makes it terminate? Is to just make up one's mind and practice something. To simply do anything.
And the just way to know what to exercise? Well actually, there is no answer to that one.
Other than to non worry about worrying. To not feel anxious about feeling anxious. To have that there is no right respond.
To breathe. To attempt to feel across the worry, to try to feel the reply rather than (over) recollect it.
To stop trying to 2nd-guess every possible outcome of every possible decision. To stop trying to control and account for every accountability. It just isn't possible.
To trust.
I can't know what volition happen. I tin can't know how I volition feel almost any of information technology. I can't know whether the decision I make is any amend or worse than whatsoever other conclusion I could have made considering I am but ever going to feel the one path I do cull.
And then I can just react with what I have, what I know, and how I feel, right here and correct at present. And I don't need to know how to do that; I just need to exercise it. I only need to allow information technology to happen.
Back to my decisions. Well, I still don't know what to do. I withal don't know what the "right" matter is.
Simply maybe that's not so much of a problem after all.
Considering I practice know what the incorrect matter is. And that's to make no decision at all. Even if the conclusion I make is not to decide just yet—that is withal a determination. Ain it.
A friend one time said to me, "Whenever the fourth dimension is correct, information technology will be the correct time." Information technology helps me relax about my decisions.
I oft wonder: Am I the only one similar this? I don't know that either, but if y'all're with me:
Stop thinking it through. Finish making up what might happen. Because that'south what's happening hither, yous're just making it up. But make the decision instead and relish the ride. Whatever it turns out to be, it doesn't really matter—yous tin change it later if you really take to.
Whatever the decision is, just make information technology. What'due south the worst that tin happen, actually?
Just make the decision and and so be glad you lot did. Relish the freedom and the relief that follows.
Relish the present, indecision complimentary. Because while you're busy worrying about what might happen tomorrow, guess what? You lot're missing out on all the nifty stuff happening today.
So just decide. Only relax.
Desire to know the good news? The decision thing is just as leaky as the indecision thing.
One time I go going again, I know at that place'll exist no stopping me. I'll breeze through decisions that floored me before. I'll put those small things back in their identify. And if it feels wrong, I'll change it. I won't worry most it. Things that felt a bit wrong and weird before simply won't affair anymore.
I won't know where this whole confident, decision making thing came from. I'll only feel information technology.
I'll experience information technology in my breast, near my heart. It volition feel like contentment, embracing joy, tickled with peace and flavored with lightness. It volition feel soft and warm, like molten honey trickling through my veins. It will make me grinning.
And I will love information technology. And I will do all I can to agree on to it.
That I exercise know.
So permit's just go started. Allow'due south merely relax. Let's just decide. And allow's never expect back.
Photo past J. Tegnerud
Well-nigh Emma While
Emma is passionate about positive psychology, avidly learning and applying its lessons to her life and work. Her own personal journey through stress, growth and discovery inform both her ChattingHappy blog and The Happy Goad facebook folio with the promise of spreading happiness to others, one spark at a time.
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